And in seconds the life I knew was over.

From that moment on, my life was a blur of doctors and therapists asking me where it hurt. "On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?"

But none of them every asked me about the pain of losing my sense of self. If they had, I would have told them it was every bit as deep and devastating as the pain I felt in my back, my hands and knees. It hurt as bad and it took as long to heal.

Before pain, I was proud of my intelligence, proud of my independence, proud of my accomplishments. Proud, especially of my work. After pain, I had nothing to be proud of. Everyone who saw me, saw me as a victim. Someone to be sorry for. Someone to pity.

Friends dropped away. One couple, announcing they wouldn't be visiting anymore, said, "It just hurts us too much too see you like this. You never laugh anymore."

It's a testament to my addled state of mind that I thought I had disappointed them! But pain does that to you. It makes you pathetic and needy and most of all guilty. Guilty of not hugging your kids, of not making love to your spouse, of not being as much fun, of not wanting to do anything anymore.

Everyone who discovers that pain has become a constant in his or her life suffers from a loss of identity. And yet almost no one address this. It's not studied. No one holds seminars on it. No one helps you though it.

I once thought this loss of identity was harder for men to bear. Women, I told myself, at least have the luxury of being able to cry about it openly. But after working with so many people in support groups, I came to see that it affects all equally, women as well as men, and that it ripples out, like a stone cast into water, touching everyone around them.

When I was injured, I lost myself. My husband lost the woman he married. And the ripples grew…

So let's talk about it here. Let's go public with the fact that our egos are often as damaged as our broken bones or frayed nerve endings, and healing them is just as important a part of our health and recovery. What has pain robbed from you,  besides physical health? How are you dealing with this? What advice can you offer to others who are struggling though the loss of their former identity? What hope can you give to those who feel lost, and wonder if they will ever find themselves? The comment box is here for you to share your thoughts and feelings.

### Bonnie Boots publishes Pain Health News to provide information and motivation to people living with chronic pain.  You can stay in touch with her by typing your email address into the subscribe box in the upper right corner of this page.